Advice for Snooker

Hi there

I am a mid 50s guy with a lovely partner who is tired most of the time and not really interested in sex most of the time. We have been together for 16 years now and I am worried that I am becoming a sex addict and have been worried about this for a while and spend a lot of time of dodgy websites. How can I control myself?



Hi Snooker



Thank you for contacting me!



I guess the first thing I want to say (and this might sound obvious!) is have you spoken to your partner about her reduced sex drive? This could be caused by a myriad of things - anything from stress, to depression, or even the menopause.....try to get to the root of the problem with her.



I assume when you say "dodgy websites", you mean porn sites? Well, this is perfectly normal for many men - does your partner look at these sites with you, or is it something you do on your own, without her knowledge ( in which case, it it guilt that is making you worried?) How much time are you spending on these sites? Is it an hour a day (which is perfectly fine) - or is it starting to consume all your spare time?

I do feel from your email that you are worrying more than necessary - if you have a higher sex drive than you partner, then it is obvious that you are going to think about sex more than you might normally as your needs are not being met at the moment.

Have you tried giving her a cuddle and not pressuring her for more - just letting her know that you love her and making her feel wanted without the sex part - often when one partner wants sex and the other doesnt, it can lead to a vicious circle - man wants sex=woman doesnt=man asks for more sex=women feels pressured=woman wants even less sex!!

Please speak to your partner about your worries - communication is always the key!

If you need to talk some more, then please do not hesitate to contact me.....

All the best

Katy